The twentieth century had more than it’s share of dubious “innovations”; atomic weapons, the wonder bra and (of course) new Coke. The worst of the bunch, though, has to be twenty-four-seven wall-to-wall news coverage.
In the early days of television — when most of the sets were still pedal-powered — there were only three networks and respectable men like Walter Cronkite stared into the camera with sincere expressions and read the day’s news to us like a patient teacher reading to a class of dim-witted students. Walt stuck to the facts and gave us the stories in one quick dose; sort of the way you give nasty-tasting cough syrup to a child.
Somewhere along the line the TV networks decided that we were too dense or busy or distractable to absorb … um … what was I talking about?
Oh. Right. As a result of years of exposure to fast-paced TV shows, we no longer had the attention span necessary to … hey, is that a butterfly?
Sorry. I meant to say that we could no longer focus on the news the way Walt delivered it. We still needed quick doses, but we needed them over and over and over. The motto of the modern television news industry is “It’s not done until it’s overdone!”
Let’s take a real-world example of this phenomenon.
Imagine that your town is hit by a blizzard; a traffic-snarling, havoc-wreaking, white monster. The kind of storm that you’ll tell your grandchildren about … if you manage to survive.
If you fail to notice the six foot drifts at the end of your driveway, you can turn on the TV news to learn all about the storm. The catchy, up-beat tune and sophisticated graphics at the beginning of the episode let you know that you are in the hands of professionals; people who are skilled at gathering and reporting the news no matter how obvious. To reinforce the point, a serious-sounding voice will announce, “You’re watching Action News 62 at 11; the only local news program appearing four times daily at five, six, ten and now at eleven-thirty-two!”
The anchor, wearing a sad-clown expression to show you how serious he is, says, “Our top story tonight is the weather. We take you now to our field reporter Chester Hesterton with a report from the field.”
You just know that Chester drew the short straw during the staff assignment meeting because he’s standing hip-deep in a snowbank wearing a parka with the Action News 62 logo while he tries desperately to keep his styling gel from imploding under the weight of the snow accumulating on his head. “As you can see,” he’ll say in the solemn tone usually reserved for announcing state funerals and as color commentary during golf matches, “there’s quite a bit of snow out here.”
As a member of the public, you might think that Chester is just stating the very, very obvious. You couldn’t be more wrong. As a fully-trained journalist, Chester traveled to the scene, investigated the situation carefully, composed a report and delivered it on camera. No matter what he’s reporting on — a four-alarm fire, a presidential rally, a steel-cage death match at the local wrestling arena — Chester always investigates carefully to get below the surface.
You, on the other hand, would probably just show up, take a look around and say something stupid and uninformed like, “As you can see, there’s quite a lot of snow out here.” That’s why Chester is making thirty-three-thousand dollars to stand in the snow while you’re sitting in a warm chair by a cozy fire watching him.
Chester will go on to explain that the snow started early in the morning and continued through the day. He’ll talk about the traffic problems, the businesses and schools that closed, and end by suggesting that if you don’t have to be outside it’s probably best for you to stay indoors.
Fortunately, with broadcast television, you don’t have to pay a single cent to sip from the bountiful font of Chester’s wisdom. Unfortunately, the station won’t let the story end with Chester. They’ll cut back to the studio and turn it over to the weather guy who will use his maps and charts to make complicated and unconvincing excuses for his failure to accurately forecast the storm.
“Initially we thought the storm was going to take a more northerly track, possibly across the Arctic Circle, but the jet stream shifted southward dragging a cold air mass along behind it which then collided with a flock of geese over the mid-west causing lake-effect snow, unsightly stains and a waxy, yellow build-up. It should keep snowing through most of the night, or maybe it won’t. Whatever does happen, stay tuned to Action News 62 for the latest information.”
In essence he’s telling you that he has no idea why it’s snowing or when it’s going to stop, but that you really should keep watching.
The storm will be mentioned during every segment of the show; the local reports (“Snowy roads are to blame for today’s twenty-five car pile up”); the national reports (“Although it’s not snowing in Washington D.C., Congress took the day off”); and the sports (“Obviously the snow will be a factor during the golf tournament, but organizers are optimistic that the event will go off as planned.”)
In case you happen to forget the storm, you can always stay tuned for the next broadcast in which all of the same stories will be replayed for the benefit of people who missed them the first time around. Nothing will have changed from the earlier broadcast except the snow around Chester will be a little deeper and his hair will be a little flatter. If you stick around the the last broadcast, you might luck out and Chester won’t be visible at all.
